Male-targeted ads found to be in no man's land

Or, how pussies like Tom Bernardin think:

By Jeffrey Goldfarb
Fri Jun 24,12:53 PM ET

The Marlboro Man is having an identity crisis.

The Leo Burnett advertising agency, which created the iconic macho cowboy, said a new study it conducted found that half the men in most parts of the world don't know what is expected of them in society and three-quarters of them think images of men in advertising are out of touch with reality.

Most ads have lumped men into one of two groups -- the soft, caring type known as "metrosexuals," who are comfortable with facial peels and pink shirts, or the stereotypical "retrosexuals," who remain oafishly addicted to beer and sports.

Read the last part of that last paragraph once more:

"...who remain oafishly addicted to beer and sports."

Now, read what the pussy Tom Bernardin has to say:

"As the world is drifting toward a more feminine perspective, many of the social constructs men have taken for granted are undergoing significant shifts or being outright dismantled," said Tom Bernardin, chairman and chief executive of Leo Burnett Worldwide.

This morning, while working on a system, I made the time to call The Leo Burnett advertising agency. I first reached a woman telephone operator, to whom I explained the reason for my call, and she had a good laugh when I asked if Tom Bernardin's leg's joined at the top and forwarded me to consumer affairs, where the lady who answered burst out laughing when I asked the question again. She then sent me to public affairs where I was answered by a rather feminine voice mail, but the name was definitely male. I then left a message stating that if Tom Bernardin's legs did not join at the top, and he was in wanting a sex-change operation, to go right ahead, but to quit insulting the rest of the men in the world. Statement's made, just like the pussy Tom Bernardin's, just piss me off, and for too long men have let them slide. I say no more and stand up and speak your mind and tell them exactly what you think of them.

Oh, and one last bit of advice for Tom Bernardin, even if you do not get that sex change Tom, you go right ahead and get that Carmen Electra Butt Wax:

Speaking of marriage, what makes a great butt?

Genetics. A good ass should be nice and round and firm. I think waxing is dope. There's a place I go called Pink Cheeks and it has this thing called Playboy Wax. It's amazing. I walk in, take my underwear off and lay down on a table. I do a position from ballet where I raise my foot and put it on the inside of my knee. The woman waxes me - she's incredible. I turn around, I get on my hands and knees and she waxes my ass. There's nothing like getting waxed, I'm telling you. Waxing adds to sex 110 per cent. I get a better sensation when I'm having sex or doing anything. I think if a man had his woman do it for him, it could be fun. And I would love to wax my man. I think it could be very erotic. Some people like pain and would probably be really into that. I can actually have an orgasm from wearing tight jeans and driving a car. There's no hair, so I'm completely sensitive.

Just keep it under your skirt...

--WP