The Paranoid Family wishes everyone all our best in the coming New Year.
Nevertheless, remember- "TRUST NO ONE"...
NRA And CRPA Sue California Over Assault Weapons Control Act
36 minutes ago
-----------------------------------------------------------------------If you read all of them, then post an observation as to your favorite. It will not win you prize, but at least we know which one is your favorite...
I'm sure some of these quotes will bring back memories for all of who served in the military or were associated with those that did.
"The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership..."
"At this Command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges."
- Maj. (CENTCOM)
"'Leaning forward' is really just the first phase of 'falling on your face.'"
- Marine Col (MARFOREUR)
"I am so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt."
"None of us is as dumb as all of us."
- Excerpted from a brief (EUCOM)
"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..."
-Lt. Col. (EUCOM) in briefings
"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it."
- LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building.
"The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of "R's" in "fat chance...""
- GS-15 (SHAPE)
"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..."
- MAJ (JS)
"Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule."
- CWO4 (EUCOM)
"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot."
- Lt. Col (CENTCOM) on life at his Command
"Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..."
- GO/FO (EUCOM)
"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute."
"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em."
- CDR (CENTCOM)
"I may be slow, but I do poor work..."
- MAJ (USAREUR)
"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams."
- Maj. (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs at his Command.
"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..."
- LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation
"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto repeat..."
- LCDR (EUCOM)
"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no problem," he means, for him."
- Maj. (EUCOM)
"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..."
- MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, ...well, ...way too much...
"Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt."
- LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition building
"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..."
- MAJ (JS) on the often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV
"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?"
- CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air vice sea
"So, what do you wanna do?"..."I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"..."I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?," etc.
- COL (DIA) describing the way OUSD(S) develops and implements their strategies
"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..."
- Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker
"I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?"
- Lt. Col. (EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a 220V outlet
"OK, this is too stupid for words."
- LTC (JS)
"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!"
- CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military
"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..."
- Lt. Col. (EUCOM) responding to the above
"Never pet a burning dog."
- LTC (Tennessee National Guard)
"Ah, the joys of Paris: a unique chance to swill warm wine and be mesmerized by the dank ambrosia of unkempt armpits..."
- LCDR (NAVEUR)
"'Status quo,' as you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in...'"
- Attributed to former President Ronald Reagan
"We are now past the good idea cutoff point..."
- MAJ (JS) on the fact that somebody always tries to "fine tune" a COA with more "good ideas"
"Nobody ever said you had to be smart to make 0-6."
- Col (EUCOM)
"I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me yet."
"Whatever happened to good old-fashioned military leadership? Just task the first two people you see."
"Accuracy and attention to detail take a certain amount of time."
"I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career."
- MAJ (JS)
"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."
"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it."
- LTC (EUCOM)
"Creating smoking holes (with bombs) gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness."
- LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference
"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted."
- DOS rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference
"Everyone should have an equal chance, but not everyone is equal."
"You can get drunk enough to do most anything, but you have to realize going in that there are some things that, once you sober up and realize what you have done, will lead you to either grab a 12-gauge or stay drunk for the rest of your life."
"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks."
- Lt Col (USSOCOM)
"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer."
- MAJ (EUCOM)
"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."
"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain."
- CDR (NAVEUR)
"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all."
- LCDR (CENTCOM)
"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity."
- LTC (CENTCOM)
"They also serve, who sit and surf the NIPR."
- CPT (CENTCOM)
"I hear so much about Ft. Bragg. Where is it?" "It's in the western part of southeastern North Carolina."
- LCDR and CPT (EUCOM)
"I've become the master of nodding my head and acting like I give a sh_t, and then instantly forgetting what the hell a person was saying the moment they walk away."
- Flag-level Executive A$$istant
"Mark my words, this internet thing is gonna catch on someday."
- LTC (EUCOM)
"You're not a loser. You're just not my kind of winner..."
- GS-14 (OSD)
"He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it."
- GS-12 (DOS)
"If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter brief..."
- Maj. (EUCOM)
"I work at EUCOM. I know bullsh_t when I see it."
- LTC (EUCOM) in a game of office poker
"You only know as much as you don't know."
- GO (EUCOM)
"I'm just livin' the dream..."
- EUCOM staffer response to the question, "How's it going?" or, "What are you doing?"
"I'm just ranting...I have nothing useful to say."
- LTC (EUCOM)
"Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end all the confusion?"
- GS-14 (EUCOM)
"Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early curfew and women that wear face coverings for a very good reason, Kabul is really a wonderful place to visit."
- LTC (CENTCOM)
"It was seen, ...visually."
- LTC (EUCOM) during a Reconnaissance briefing
"Let me tell you about the benefits of being on a staff..." "This should be a short conversation."
- Lt. Col. to Lt. Col. (EUCOM)
"Hello gentlemen. Are we in today or are you just ignoring my request?"
- GS-15 (DSCA) in an email to EUCOM staffers
"After seeing the way this place works, I bet that Mickey Mouse wears a EUCOM watch."
- Maj. (EUCOM)
"Your Key Issues are so 2003..."
- CPT (CJTF-180) in January 2004
"USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend to maintain their presence in Qatar "until the sun runs out of hydrogen," thus committing the US to the longest duration deployment in human history. When asked how they planned to maintain the presence in Qatar for a projected length of 4 to 5 billion years, planners said "we're working on a plan for that. We don't have one yet, but not having a plan or an intelligent reason to do something has never been much of an impediment for us in the past; we don't foresee it being a big show stopper for us in the future either."
Among the options that were being discussed was an innovative program to "interbreed" the deployed personnel. "We are going to actively encourage the military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise children that will replace them in the future. Sure, it may be a little hard on some of our female service members, since there are currently are about 8 men for every woman over there, but we expect that to be OBE as the sex ratios will even out in a generation or two. In any case the key to the plan is to make these assignments not only permanent, but inheritable and hereditary. For example, if you currently work the JOC weather desk, so will your children, and their children, and their children, ad infinitum. We like to think of it as job security."
- CPT (CJTF-180)
- COL (CENTCOM), Fu--ed Up, But I'm Just a Reservist...
"I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am captured and fall into enemy hands!"
- GO/FO (CENTCOM)
"Does anybody around here remember if I did anything this year?"
- LTC (EUCOM) preparing his Officer Evaluation Report support form
"I'd be happy to classify this document for you. Could you tell me its classification?"
- GS11 (EUCOM) in an email from the Foreign Disclosure office
"Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly what you're gonna get..."
- LTC (EUCOM) describing the way Army policy is formulated
"The only thing that sucks worse than being me is being you..."
- LTC (EUCOM)
"I have to know what I don't know..."
- Col. (CENTCOM) during a shift changeover briefing
"No. Now I'm simply confused at a higher level..."
- Foreign GO/FO when asked if he had any questions following a transformation brief at JFCOM
"I'm planning on taking the weekend off...notionally..."
- LT (EUCOM) midway through a huge, simulated command exercise
"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today."
- Maj. (EUCOM) after listening to a JFCOM trainer/mentor
"We've got to start collaborating between the collaboration systems." "Our plan for the Olympics is to take all the ops and put it in the special room we have developed for ops."
- GO/FO (EUCOM)
"Did you hear that NPR is canning Bob Edwards?" "Why? Did they catch him standing up for the National Anthem or something??"
- COL to CDR (EUCOM)
"Not to be uncooperative, but we're just being uncooperative."
- CDR (EUCOM) in an email response to a request for information
"He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of terminology."
- Lt. Col. JFCOM describing the Jiffiecom alpha male
"Transformation has long been the buzzword for those that are dispossessed, dispirited and disillusioned..."
- Chaplain (EUCOM), allegedly.
"There are more disconnects on this issue than CENTCOM has staff officers."
- GO/FO (EUCOM)
"Is that a Navy or a Marine admiral?"
- MAJ (EUCOM)
The Largely Defunct Bill of Rights
by Harry Browne
"The Founding Fathers created a Bill of Rights to ensure that Americans would never have to fear government prosecutors the way people in the Old World did.
Unfortunately, the Bill of Rights is a dead letter in too many ways in America. It has now become possible for prosecutors to get a conviction in virtually every case where they choose to indict ? whether or not the defendant is guilty.
Fortunately, however, a number of prominent writers are alarmed about the problem ? including some people you might expect to be law-and-order conservatives."
Private Spaceflight Don?t let over-regulation stifle progress
"In a reasonably sane world, there would have been no perceived need for HR 5382, the Commercial Space Launch Amendments Act of 2004, which passed the Senate during the final minutes of the recent lame-duck session and awaits President Bush?s signature. Given the world we live in, however, it offers a fairly sensible approach to the private space race that is emerging in the wake of the successful suborbital flight of SpaceShipOne, honchoed by legendary aircraft designer Burt Rutan and his team over the Mojave Desert this year."
One Killed, Five Others Injured in London Stabbing Rampage
The Associated Press
Published: Dec 23, 2004
LONDON (AP) - An armed man went on a stabbing rampage in north London Thursday, killing one person and critically injuring at least five others, police said.
Metropolitan Police said they began receiving reports of stabbings outside train stations and on streets in the Edmonton, Enfield and Harringay areas starting around 8:20 a.m.
A 29-year-old man, a 30-year-old woman, 40-year-old man and 30-year-old man were among those targeted by the man, who police believe was driving a car and pulling off the road to stab his victims.
One man died at Whipps Cross hospital in Leytonstone, and North Middlesex Hospital said it was treating five people for critical injuries.
Police arrested a male suspect in the area where the stabbings occurred.
'Vagina Monologues' draws large crowds as well as protesters
Protesters of "Monologues" say the production did not accurately represent women's diversity
By Ayisha Yahya
February 16, 2004
"They silently stood hand in hand with gray duct tape pasted across their lips and "Vagina Warriors" emblazoned on the back of their white shirts. The front of the shirts had different messages: "Warning: Hostile Vagina," "Not all vaginas are skinny, white + straight" and "My cunt is not represented here."
Holiday Eating Tips
Remember this motto to live by:
- Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
- Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
- If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
- As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
- Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
- Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
- If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
- Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
- Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
- One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, eggnog in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
ACTION NEEDED BEFORE THANKSGIVING!
Stop "Big Brother" from snooping around your medicine cabinet!
· National All Schedules Prescription Reporting Act (H.R. 3015) allows government and law enforcement to monitor your prescriptions
· Treats tens of millions of patients as potential criminals
· Give prosecutors & law enforcement power to decide who is ?deserving? of medicines
· Contact your Senators this week and tell them to vote AGAINST this bill
· Click-through to send letter to your Senators in less than a minute.
· Physicians: Print out flyer for your patients!
· Please forward this message to everyone.
Do you want the government to have a record of every prescription you get? Every painkiller? Every anti-depressant? Every sleeping pill? And then to pass that information along to law enforcement to prosecute you and your doctor if they don?t like what they find?
From Capitol Hill Blueund Nebel:
What Price Freedom?
Return of the Blacklist
By BOB KERR
Nov 30, 2004, 06:42
Molly Little is a "Female Special."
"She didn't know. She didn't seek the title. She found out about it at the airport in Portland, Maine.
Little is from South Kingstown, R.I., a freshman at Colby College, and she doesn't like a lot of things her government is doing. So she demonstrates and asks questions and is drawn to people who share her outrage. Last year, she did an internship with the American Friends Service Committee, the organization founded by those peace-loving Quakers.
She made news with some friends last April when she took part in a symbolic washing of the United States flag at the Rhode Island State House.
"We're saying we're the future and we want to cleanse the United States of what it represents right now," she said at the time.
But she has found that speaking out and being very public in her opposition to government policies, while allegedly every citizen's right, can make her stand out in a crowd.
On Nov. 18, she was headed to Fort Benning, Ga., to take part in the annual nonviolent demonstration against The School of the Americas, that shadowy operation that is a training school for so many Latin American soldiers eager to learn the American way of keeping insurgencies in check. The school has been renamed the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation, but that euphemistic turn has not stopped thousands of people from showing up every year to say the school is a very bad and un-American idea.
At the Portland airport, Little found that maybe, just maybe, a person can no longer speak out without getting his or her name on a list."
U.S. lawyers assert broad right to detainHow glorious for our beloved Homeland to have reached these years...
They argue for indefinite custody of enemy combatants at Guantanamo
The Associated Press
Thursday, December 2, 2004
"Under detailed questioning by a federal judge, government lawyers asserted yesterday that the U.S. military can hold foreigners indefinitely as enemy combatants at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, even if they aided terrorists unintentionally and never fought the United States.
Could a "little old lady in Switzerland" who sent a check to an orphanage in Afghanistan be taken into custody if unbeknownst to her, some of her donation was passed to al-Qaida terrorists? asked U.S. District Judge Joyce Hens Green.
"She could," replied Deputy Associate Attorney General Brian Boyle. "Someone's intention is clearly not a factor that would disable detention." It would be up to a new military review panel to decide whether to believe her and release her."